If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
