go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
