I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
