Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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