Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize