your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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