Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
