Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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