I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
