If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize