so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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