I'm gonna have a badass scar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
