Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
