so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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