Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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