Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
