is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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