you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
