He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
