i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
