Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
