how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
