i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Operation Purity has been aborted
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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