I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
