I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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