He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
