Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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