Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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