no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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