We need to rekindle our bromance
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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