I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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