I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
