I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
