I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize