Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
