shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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