Quick, to the slutcave!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
