ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
