i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
