Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
