never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
