for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
