real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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