Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
