I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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