Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
