Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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