mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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