yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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