So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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