she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
