your parents love me but you hate me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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