I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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