You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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