the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize