i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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