Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
