loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
