K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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