I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
