no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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