I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize