if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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