Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
