I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
