I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
