I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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