Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
