Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
