i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
