Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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