I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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