I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
