I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
