Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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